“I’m a bit OCD”. It’s a phrase we hear people say all the time. They’re not of course, because you can be a “little bit OCD” any more than you can be a “little bit autistic”. There are degrees of severity of the symptoms but you either have it or you don’t. It’s not just about ensuring the book case is in alphabetical order or the house it clean, it’s a deep-rooted powerful feeling that something terrible will happen if certain rituals are not followed and it is ingrained into every inch of the sufferer’s life.
We know obsessive behaviour is fairly common in children with Autism. Some with have an absolute obsession about a particular subject, being able to describe in intricate detail the inner workings of a particular steam train for example. Others will have to wear a certain colour, walk a certain way to school or have their food set out in such a way as no 2 ingredients are touching. If these points aren’t “just so” then all is not right with the world and we are a step closer to a meltdown.
Victoria doesn’t have many obsessions thankfully, but those she does have can be challenging. Whenever we are leaving the house she absolutely must be the first out of the door. When it is almost time to leave and she is ready to go she will stand by the front door to ensure she is first. If daddy wants a kiss good bye so have to go to her… she can’t risk Emily beating her to the exit. This on its own doesn’t seem too bad as it is easily accommodated but there are a couple of major issues forming. Firstly, it’s not right that Emily is always second. She’s a sensitive soul and she is very much aware of the amount of effort that goes on Victoria and keeping that balance is difficult. The most heartbreaking thing Emily has ever said to me is “daddy, I wish I had autism so you would give me as much attention as you give Victoria”. That sentence broke me. So we need to instil a sense of fairness by alternating the days when V goes first and when it it Emily’s turn. The second challenge is that Emily is well aware of Victoria’s need to be first and will often beat her to the door just to wind her big sister up! Just getting out the door in the morning can be a battle of wills most days and it is very rare that Becs or I come out on top! And of course if things don’t go Vs way in the morning it can impact on the rest of her day.
So you can see the challenge we have just getting out of the door but this need to be first appears in everything she does. Getting up, brushing teeth, getting in the car, stroking Jasper… every little thing we do is a battle between Victoria’s need to be first and our need to treat our girls equally.
There are other obsessions too. Once she latches on to a cartoon or film it will be watched over and over until we are all able to recite every line word for word. Key phrases go into Victoria’s echolalia phrase book to be reeled out at every opportunity and everything else spins round our heads for weeks on end. I’m so glad she has moved on from the Wizard of Oz as there is only so many times you can watch that film and stay sane!
Another example is bed time. She has to have a soft bunny to cuddle when she gets into bed, which is very much down to her need to fulfill hyper and hyposensitivites. This is fine and easy to accommodate except that she has 3 soft bunnies that are identical except for the colour. Oh, and they each feel slightly different so we have to have the correct one each night. It can take a while to choose the right one which after a long day at work and ages spent picking the right story for bed and the battle of who goes upstairs first and who’s turn it is to brush their teeth first and which room we are reading it in can be the final straw.
Just pick a bloody bunny!