I mentioned in my first post that Autism is relatively common, and when you add other similar challenges (ADHD, APD and lots of other acronyms) it’s not surprising that there are a lot of people who can relate in some way to our own journey with Autism. It’s actually the reason for these posts – as well as being quite cathartic for me I know from the comments I have had that a lot of people can relate to at least some of what I am writing. Knowing you’re not alone and there are people you can talk to in order to vent frustrations, share advice and gather ideas has been invaluable to me over the past few years and I know that is the case for many.
However, support groups are for other people. That was my belief a few years ago. Men especially don’t go to support groups unless they are an alcoholic. I mentioned before that when we got Victoria’s diagnosis we were waved off from the paediatrician’s office with a wad of leaflets. One of those leaflets was for the Father’s Club and luckily for me their next meeting was that evening. I say “luckily” because if I had had the time to think about it there was no way I would have gone. “What’s the worst that could happen?” Becs said as I trotted off to @WeAreBeams with my opening line playing through my mind: “My name is Dave and I’m the father of a child with autism…”. I was trying to imagine what such a group would be like and all I could picture was a group of men nothing like me discussing things I knew little about. And besides, my daughter’s autism isn’t “that” bad so they’ll probably wonder what the hell I’m doing there.
Thankfully I couldn’t have been more wrong. Of the 7 or 8 other blokes there most were just like me: normal people who had jobs, families, bills to pay, liked a beer and just so happened to be fathers of children with autism. We sat round a table and told our stories in turn. Some had been attending Father’s Club for many years, some were newbies like me. And when it came to my turn to tell my story I was faced by 7 or 8 other blokes giving knowing nods – they’d had all been where I was or where still there and they truly got what I was saying in a way that only those that have been there and done that can.
I’ve long said that I hate the way everybody’s journey with autism is different. I get that every case of autism is unique but the way the state deal with it from diagnosis through education and into adulthood is at best inconsistent. You need a lot of luck on this journey – the right conversation with the right person at the right time can open vital doors and useful knowledge. So for me, the Father’s Club is just an opportunity to tip the odds in my favour – I’ve often mentioned a specific challenge or issue to be met with “Yep, we did X when that happened…” or “Speak to Y at Z… they will be able to help”. And 3 years into this journey I feel I am able to do the same for others.
And this is why it may seem that I talk about autism a lot in day to day life. As well as normalising the conversation I’ve often been able to give experience or advice to others and have picked up a lot myself along the way. For example, the lady I mentioned in D is for Diagnosis told me about her dog Hector who is a reading dog who really helps children with special needs at the local primary school. I’d never heard of such a thing but it sounded amazing.
Jasper… fetch your book, we’ve got work to do…